Chapter FIVE

“It is easy to go down into Hell; night and day, the gates of dark Death stand wide;
but to climb back again, to retrace one's steps to the upper air -- there's the rub, the
task.”(Source - Virgil, The Aeneid: section 4)

Life after self-injury. To some, it seems like a fantasy. A dream that will never happen.
So drowned in their emotions, and their pain, that they do not see a way out. But when
their acts of self-harm are brought out in the open, they have no choice but to face the
barrage of angry, hurt and confused faces of their family, friends and peers.

So what does it mean for the family and friends? To suddenly discover that someone
very close to them had been deliberately inflicting wounds upon themselves for an
unknown period of time? It is perfectly natural for them to feel upset, angry and
helpless, but rather than being angered and horrified, they need to regard it as a way
the self-harmer in question uses to cope with the stresses and difficulties in life.

“It was the worst feeling... It was my little brother who found out about it, and
confronted me. Mum overheard the conversation, and it all went downhill from there.
She was so hostile towards me.. She went to my school, told my principal, which was
then passed down to all my teachers, now I can’t go anywhere without being watched,
I’m being forced to go to a counsellor, because if I don’t the school’s threatened to
have me taken to an institution... I was getting better. I was getting help before mum
found out, but now it’s been made so much harder.” (Interview #5)

The path of discovery and recovery can be a long and difficult one to take. The longer
an individual has self-harmed, the longer it will take to recuperate from it. It usually
begins when someone who self-harms is found out by a peer, friend or family member.
The worst thing that they can do is to confront the self injurer. (http://www.nshn.co.uk
2002)

One must keep a non-judgemental frame of mind if they wish to help their family
member or friend who self-harms, as being condemned for what they do is exactly
what self-injurers fear. As I have discovered from my interviews, one of their most
common obstacles when trying to overcome self-harm is their family becoming
aggressive towards them, attempting to stop their loved one from harming themselves
by physical means. I have determined from my research that the crucial point that
needs to be emphasised here is that self-injury is not the problem, it is just a symptom.
The family and friends of a self-harmer should not be focusing on the act of
deliberately inflicted damage, rather the issues that lay hidden behind the actions.

Even though a person wants to move on from their self-injury, there are still going to
be times when they slip up. Peers, family and friends need to try and look at the
positives; At least the individual is trying to get better. Threatening the self-harmer
with ultimatums or hospitalisation will only prolong the problem, and in some cases of
where self-injurers have been institutionalised, the situation can worsen and even lead
to suicide. (http://www.siari.co.uk 2000)

So what about those who have moved on? Are they living normal lives completely free
of their past discretion’s with a blade? Most are still living with the scars and the
emotional guilt left behind after loved ones discovered them, or dealing with the
torment of desire, knowing they can never go back to self-injury without a multitude of
complications.

“Moving on for some, is just a phase between pretending to be okay without their
release and finding the excuse to disregard promises to loved ones, before returning
from whenst they came.” (Interviewee #9)

As the old saying goes, the wounds may heal but the scars still remain. Everytime a
past self-harmer feels stressed or anxious or upset, they will notice their scars, and
begin to be tempted back into their old ways. This is especially the case if self-abusers
have left traces of their wounds in visible places such as their limbs.

The sad truth is, no-one is ever well and truly free from self-injury. And nor will they
ever be. Each time the individual feels an onslaught of emotions coming on, they will
remember how they used to inflict such damage upon themselves, and how it would
make everything fine again. Even if it’s only for an instant.

While the thoughts will forever remain present in the minds of a self-harmer, they are
still capable of controlling themselves. It takes a large amount of courage for
self-injurers to admit they need help. Bringing their acts of self-harm out into the eyes
of those around them could very likely invoke their greatest fears of rejection,
isolation, and hopelessness.

One of the best things a person can do to help an individual who self-injures would be
to take a non-judgemental approach, show compassion, care, and acceptance. It might
just save their life.